Attachment styles aren’t fixed boxes. They are adaptive strategies that your nervous system uses to stay safe and connected. One of the most important — but often overlooked — parts of attachment is pendulation.

What is Pendulation?

Pendulation describes the natural swing between different attachment responses.

You may notice it if you feel anxious and clingy one moment, then suddenly shift to avoidant and wanting space the next. Or you might feel securely attached in one relationship, but more anxious or avoidant in another.

This shifting is not random. It’s your nervous system adapting to the environment, stress level, or the people you are with.

Why Pendulation Happens

Attachment is dynamic, not static. Your nervous system constantly scans for cues of safety or threat (Stephen Porges, Polyvagal Theory, 2011). Pendulation can happen when:

• Stress increases: You might swing from avoidant to anxious when you fear losing someone.

• Trauma is triggered: Old patterns resurface as your body tries to protect itself.

• Context changes: You may feel more secure with a supportive partner but shift in relationships that feel unpredictable.

What Pendulation Means for Healing

Many people over-identify with a single “style,” believing they are just avoidant or just anxious. Pendulation shows us that attachment is flexible.

• These shifts are not regression — they’re adaptation.

• With therapy, awareness, and supportive relationships, pendulation often softens.

• Over time, you may experience more stability and security, even if you still notice shifts.

Why This Matters

Understanding pendulation helps reduce shame. Instead of seeing yourself as broken or inconsistent, you can view these shifts as part of how your body seeks balance.

Recognizing pendulation can also help you:

• Communicate more clearly with partners.

• Notice patterns without over-pathologizing.

• Approach your attachment style with curiosity instead of judgment.

Bringing it Into Therapy

Therapy offers intentional space to notice these swings with compassion. Instead of getting stuck in labels, you can explore what your pendulation is telling you about your needs, boundaries, and nervous system.

👉 If you’d like to explore your attachment patterns, I offer virtual therapy for adults in New York and Florida.

Reset your brain and body without leaving town.

Why Micro-Vacations Matter

Research shows that short breaks aren’t just nice to have — they’re essential. Even brief pauses can boost mood, reduce stress, and improve resilience. The good news? You don’t need a plane ticket or a long weekend to recharge. Micro-vacations — small, intentional pauses built into your daily routine — work too.

Micro-Vacation Idea #1: Sensory Reset

Your brain craves novelty. Stepping outside, changing your environment, and simply noticing light, color, or sound can reset your nervous system. Take a few minutes to really tune in to your surroundings — the feeling of the air, the sound of traffic, or the colors of the sky.

Micro-Vacation Idea #2: Ritualize a Pause

Everyday rituals can be surprisingly restorative. Try coffee at a café, journaling in a park, or taking a short walk without your phone. Creating a repeatable practice sends a powerful message to your brain: this is a moment to reset and breathe.

Micro-Vacation Idea #3: Indulge in Play

Play isn’t just for kids. Watching a midday movie, wandering through a museum, or trying a hobby class can shift your brain chemistry and spark joy. Small doses of play build flexibility, creativity, and resilience into your day.

The Bigger Picture

Vacations refresh us, but everyday pauses accumulate in a meaningful way. When you step out of autopilot and create intentional resets, your brain and body thank you.

Therapy can also function as an intentional reset — a space to reflect, recharge, and realign. If you’re curious about weaving more balance into your life, I offer virtual sessions for adults in NY & FL.