Attachment styles aren’t fixed boxes. They are adaptive strategies that your nervous system uses to stay safe and connected. One of the most important — but often overlooked — parts of attachment is pendulation.
What is Pendulation?
Pendulation describes the natural swing between different attachment responses.
You may notice it if you feel anxious and clingy one moment, then suddenly shift to avoidant and wanting space the next. Or you might feel securely attached in one relationship, but more anxious or avoidant in another.
This shifting is not random. It’s your nervous system adapting to the environment, stress level, or the people you are with.
Why Pendulation Happens
Attachment is dynamic, not static. Your nervous system constantly scans for cues of safety or threat (Stephen Porges, Polyvagal Theory, 2011). Pendulation can happen when:
Stress increases: You might swing from avoidant to anxious when you fear losing someone.
Trauma is triggered: Old patterns resurface as your body tries to protect itself.
Context changes: You may feel more secure with a supportive partner but shift in relationships that feel unpredictable.
What Pendulation Means for Healing
Many people over-identify with a single “style,” believing they are just avoidant or just anxious. Pendulation shows us that attachment is flexible.
These shifts are not regression — they’re adaptation.
With therapy, awareness, and supportive relationships, pendulation often softens.
Over time, you may experience more stability and security, even if you still notice shifts.
Why This Matters
Understanding pendulation helps reduce shame. Instead of seeing yourself as broken or inconsistent, you can view these shifts as part of how your body seeks balance.
Recognizing pendulation can also help you:
Communicate more clearly with partners.
Notice patterns without over-pathologizing.
Approach your attachment style with curiosity instead of judgment.
Bringing it Into Therapy
Therapy offers intentional space to notice these swings with compassion. Instead of getting stuck in labels, you can explore what your pendulation is telling you about your needs, boundaries, and nervous system.
👉 If you’d like to explore your attachment patterns, I offer virtual therapy for adults in New York and Florida.